Dear Katherine and Petruchio,
Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s Gilly! I am ten years old. I go to Bridgewater Elementary School. My teacher calls me a troublemaker and all of the kids in my class don’t like me. Anyway, my gradnma told me that I should ask you for help cause you know a lot about love and stuff. Well, I like this boy in my class. His name is Liam. He has curly hair like me. He dresses real good with a shirt and tie. He is real smart. I really hope he likes me cause he is super cute and funny. This girl in my class said that Liam will never like me cause I play pranks on him. Once by accident, I glued his chair to his pants once. I didn’t mean to do it…sorry. I also lit his tie on fire. And I blew up his science fair project. And I gave him a super wedgie. Sorry.
I want to know what I should do to make Liam like me. Valentine’s Day is in a few months and I want to kiss Liam then. Usually I bring in valentine’s candies for my class that will make them all itchy and barf. Or one year I shot this boy I liked with a cupid arrow. My grandma said I should not do this if I want to seduce Liam. What do you think I should do differently for Valentine’s Day this year? I wanna make a good impression on Liam this year.
Grandma said that you guys will understand my boy problems. Please help me. Liam is the boy of my dreams. If you don’t help me impress him, you two better watch out. I know some awesome pranks to pull on you guys.
What? Uh-huh. Sorry.
Gilly
Dearest Gilly,
ReplyDeleteThank you for contacting us with your concerns. I have some very unique ideas to help you win over your dear Liam. As I always say, you must kill a wife with kindness. This is the approach I am going to teach you - I think it will impress Liam.
The principle of this approach is to be very polite and friendly. Since you have confirmed that you have a problem with behaving, we need to work on that first. When you are around Liam, you should be on your best behavior, at least towards him. When I tried to impress Katherine, I was very sweet to her, but it didn’t matter if I yelled at my servants. So, Gilly, step one is to behave when you are in the presence of Liam.
Once Liam sees that you are behaving, he will be more interested in you. Next, you have to be very nice and polite to him. Remember: kill him with kindness. Don’t let Liam have anything less than perfect. When I was courting Katherine, I didn’t even let her eat dinner until the meal was cooked to perfection! And it turned out great for us. Always compliment Liam, too. Tell him you love his curly hair and his shirt and tie. He will see that you take notice of details. He will love that. When you do this for Liam he will see how much you care about him, and he will definitely fall for you.
For Valentine’s Day, I suggest that you write Liam a love letter. Tell him how handsome he his and how funny you think he is. Give him some chocolate – non poisonous, of course!
I wish the best of luck to you, Gilly. I hope my tips will help you win Liam and get your Valentine’s Day kiss. Please write back and let me know how it goes.
Sincerely,
Petruchio
Dear Gilly,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sending in your question, Gilly. I love to answer questions from young girls. You remind me of myself when I met Petruchio. I used to be a misbehaved young woman also. Some people called me a shrew, some called me a witch. Either way, I grew out of it, and now I am a lovely woman. I’d love to teach you how to do the same.
To get Liam to fall for you, you must treat him like he is a king. Remember: thy Liam is thy lord, thy life, and thy keeper. Liam will like you back if do this for him. It is, after all, the duty all women owe to men. To make Liam feel like you are doing these things for him, you can follow some simple steps. First, always look pretty and never give dirty looks. Second, never start fights or arguments. Third, mirror the architecture of your body in the way you present yourself. (Since you probably don’t have womanly curves yet, it is okay for you to be a little jagged and undeveloped.) Finally, place your hands beneath Liam’s feet, and do as he says.
For Valentine’s Day, my personal suggestion is to ask Liam what he would like. Don’t guess because you might offend him if you don’t get him something he wants. If Liam says he wants a lollipop, get him a bouquet of lollipops. If Liam wants a stuffed puppy, get the softest and most cuddly puppy you can find!
Good luck Gilly! I have faith in you. Just like I became a tame lady, you can become a well-behaved girl. I am confident that these tips will help you conquer Liam’s heart. Have fun, and most of all, behave.
Love,
Katherine
P.S. To take my own advice, just listen to whatever Petruchio says. He is always right.